Pressure

Finally exploded...Tears burst out..

One more day to my 2nd paper..yea...others only left the last paper while I just done the first subject. Pathetic!

Instead of preparing for 2nd subject I started to prepare for the 3rd subject since that requires alot of memorizing. I better get started now...

Went to campus consult lecturer today and met with one of the tutor that found out I am one of the students in Dean List...He told the lecturer which I am talking with, then they started to say they never enter the list before...and the tutor asked me why am I so hardworking izit aim to enter the list again...& the lecturer told me relax and can pass ady very good..

After back from campus, thousands of thoughts running around my mind...I kept on asking the question:
"Should I study and sit for the exam with the attitude of must maintain in the Dean List or I should just study and aim for maintain above 3.0 enough?"

I took out my certificate, the only driver for me to hold on..I recall back the expression of parents' when they read the information letter from UTAR about my achievement.. I told myself, In fact in your mind you have a certain answer for your question.

But the problem is, am I able to do it?

I know how annoying is it kept on complaining and talking the same thing here almost everytime during examination, but I can't find a suitable person for me to vent my thoughts and feelings. I wish while I am crying mum can call me and I can tell her without hiding, I have an impulse to call her n cry in the phone, but while I will feel better, on the other side, she will be the one worrying me. That's why I never able to do so. =(

The very first time I achieve such results, I know once my results drop, my overall CGPA will being pulled down significantly as well, people asked me not to be too stress, but I have my own concerns, that's why there will be noone appropriate for me to tell how I feel...

I am seriously lost my concentration and my study mood. Where to find them back, I wonder...=( At this moment I even thinking that should I wish the time move faster or slower?

Anyway, I have to look at the positive side..Holidays are ahead. Be tough and strong enough to do what I am doing now. =)) Fighting! Should not wasting time for Emo at this moment...