Hmmm~It's second week of my Year2Sem1 now... Talk about my last semester's results, quite surprising and I'm definitely satisfy for it. It's my every first time enter Dean List!=D My effort finally get the paid! I will never forget the feeling when parents praised me and the feeling of joyful and a very satisfying feeling of succeed when the moment I saw my results! The good results gave me even more motivation to work harder to achieve my dream!
Wow~Finally,the end for my first year, last 2 years left to complete my Degree course. After first week, I feel a very great pressure is on my shoulder! I have no much time left to improve my CGPA, so this year is the crucial one! Subjects are getting tougher and tougher... Lecturers are giving us pressure when introducing the subject unit plan. I know that that is the typical way how lecturer do in order to make us stay focus and not to be relax and lazy for that subject. After 2 years studying here, I know all these. Yet I'm still feeling a little afraid! Last sem's achievements giving me motivation, in contrast it giving me extra pressure too. I don't wanna fall down from the results I achieved.. Therefore, I have to keep on remind myself everytime, even the semester just begin.
Among 4 of us, 2 of my sisters failed one subject. One of them, E, she worked really really hard for the exam, she even start the revision earlier than us, but on the other hand, the one who don't even try but already wanna give up still able to achieve a good results! I feel so angry and unfair.. She keep on being emo and distract others but she can get the results she want but people worked so hard can't even get half of it... Ya, we have no ability to control all these, but.. why will it be so unfair.. =( I feel really sad when I heard they told me they failed. I asked whether they are alright, they told me, they already tried all their best, that are all they can get, they will just accept it. No matter how much they struggle, the results have won't have any changes too.
That day, I dinner with E, just both of us, she suddenly told me this :" I have think clearly, if this time I really failed again, I have to consider to stop study and don't wana waste time anymore. " I asked her, why would her start to have this kind of feeling too? she answered me, she have tried all the possible methods to improve her memory, her understanding skills, but she still unable to perform well, that means she is not suitable for the course. I silent for a moment, and she continued to say... she have planned to have a bakery shop with her sister since she loves to eat and make breads and cakes all those stuffs, while her sister is really a good designer and painter, and her father gives her the full freedom to do whatever she wish. I just smile, and I told her I'm really envy that she got her backup plan and also her dream other than study!
After dinner with her, I have so many thoughts in my mind... just like da bii, his hobby is all about fish; Vinci have great interest in beauty and fashion issues; Ewen have the dream to own a bakery shop; Apple already have the plan what to do if stop study; but...what about mine? After dinner with her, I realized, in fact in my life is just about study, if I don't continue to study till I get my Bachelor holder, I have no more other choice; I have no any backup plans... Everytime I sit down and think carefully what actually is my interest, seriously, I'm really feel pathetic for myself,because I can't find any for me... In my life, I have just keep on thinking I must study hard to finish the course, I must find way to get a higher CGPA...but after all, what do I get actually? =( In addition, I'm afraid of losing any friends around me too..especially the 3 that I cherish the most! It's really so scary when you heard that they will just leave you anytime.. I really can't imagine how my life will be without them here... and really can't expect and foresee who will be the one stay with me till the end anymore...I admit, I'm a coward sometimes, I can't live alone and I hate lonely so much!
Yea, studying here is just like a battle, how long you can survive, how long can you hold on, how much you can give to win this war till the end... Nobody knows, except yourself...
Huuu..The end of Holidays.. And time to get back to study life again, It's just second week, and I would like to let myself relax for this 2 weeks, and the following weeks have to get busy with presentations and assignments again. Aza!! 4 more days to meet my dabii! Finally he is coming back! I can't wait to "kop" to him d^^ hehhehe!
Class till 8pm today, and it's really a tiring day. It's time to sleep and clear all those thoughts in my mind and let myself have a really nice rest since I have no class tomorrow. Luckily! hehehhe!
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